Are you worried about someone?

What you can do for those affected

Your attention is important: Look and listen if you notice or suspect domestic violence.

Talking helps! But in a safe space: Talk openly about the issue when you are alone with the person concerned.

It's best to listen first: Take the person seriously and don't pressure them into making a decision.

Thank you that you want to help: Ask the person concerned how you can support them.

Understand that violence is never okay and that the person concerned is not to blame.

No one can know everything: Get advice from specialist advice centers or the federal help hotline. You can also register there as a support person.

Find support

Gender-based violence is never a private matter!

Gender-based intimate partner violence has its roots in patriarchal social structures that have been created over time and are perpetuated by misogynistic and homophobic and transphobic socialization and discourses. Therefore, this violence is never a private matter and must be addressed by society as a whole.

You cannot find the right words?

It can be difficult to make the assumption that a person is experiencing violence. Shame is unfortunately a very common feeling in cases of domestic violence, as many of those affected want to protect themselves from the reactions of the public when the violence they have experienced in private becomes public. But domestic violence is never a private matter!

It is important that the person affected always can decide about the support they want and need. Even with good intention, please do not give unsolicited advice and do not put the person in distress. Below you will find some example sentences that you can use to open a conversation.

What you can say

➢ "I have the feeling you're not feeling well/something's wrong."

➢ "You seem stressed to me. Can I ask you some questions about this?"

➢ "I'm worried about you."

➢ "Do you feel burdened in your relationship in any way?"

➢ "You can confide in me if something is bothering you."

➢ "You have my support."

What's important?

➢ Only speak to those affected in the absence of the perpetrator!

➢ Show empathy, act confidentially

➢ Listen & let them talk

➢ Communicate that violence is never okay

➢ Try to evaluate the situation and the violence together with the person affected

➢ Offer support

➢ Advise those affected to call 110 in an emergency

➢ Refer them to specialists like advice centers or their websites if they want to (see emergency contacts)

Frequently asked questions

How can I tell if someone is affected by domestic violence?

Signs of domestic violence can be physical, emotional or behavioral in nature. These include visible injuries, changes in behavior or personality, fear of the person you are in a relationship with, isolation from family and friends, and much more. It is important to pay attention to subtle clues and address the issue sensitively.

 

How can I start a conversation with a person affected?

It can be difficult, but it's important to start from a place of support and without judgment. Start with open questions and show that you are there to listen. Avoid pressure or accusations and make sure the person feels safe.

What should I do if the person concerned does not want to talk about the violence?

Respect their decision not to talk about the experiences. Continue to offer your support and make it clear that you will be there when they are ready to talk. It's important to be patient and let the person take control of their decisions.

How can I help without endangering the person concerned?

Inform yourself about safe ways to offer support without putting the person at further risk. This may mean having confidential conversations, providing information about resources and support services, and supporting a safety plan. Avoid actions that could provoke the perpetrator without talking to the person affected by the violence first.

How do I deal with my own feelings while trying to help?

It is normal to feel overwhelmed, frustrated or sad if you are close to someone who is affected by violence. Seek support for yourself, whether it's through talking to friends, counseling or attending support groups for loved ones. Taking care of your own mental health is crucial to being able to help effectively.

 

Where can I find professional help and resources?

There are numerous organizations and services that offer specialized support for those affected by domestic violence and their families. These include emergency shelters, advice centers, legal support and more. Emergency contacts can be found here on the website under the button on the right.